Brothers Read online

  Everyone laughed and turned to look at the husband, who was standing there motionless, flushed and frowning. Poet Zhao and Writer Liu stopped Baldy Li and, gripping his clothes, dragged him up to the unfortunate husband, as if presenting a meat bone to a dog. The fat woman continued to wail, urging her husband to beat Baldy Li up: "My bottom is for your eyes only, but now this hooligan has seen it, too. What am I going to do? Whip him! Scratch out his eyes! Why are you just standing there? Aren't you ashamed?"

  All the spectators burst out laughing, and even Baldy Li tittered. He was thinking that this man was losing face, not on Baldy Li's account but, rather, because of this wife of his. The wife started shrieking again, saying, "Look at him, he even has the gall to laugh! He took advantage of me, and he's happy about it! Why won't you beat him? He's humiliated you, and you still won't take action?"

  This man was Liu Town's famous Blacksmith Tong. When Baldy Li was a young boy, he would often go to Tongs shop to watch him work, and admire the sparks shooting off hammered metal. Now Tong was so furious that his complexion became darker than molten steel. He slapped Baldy Li across the face as if he were striking metal, slamming the teenager to the ground and knocking out two of his teeth, thereby filling his eyes with shooting stars and making his ears buzz for the next 180 days. This slap upside the head made Baldy Li feel that he had paid heavily for his transgression, and he swore to himself that if he ever encountered the blacksmith's wife's butt again, he would keep his eyes tightly shut and wouldn't take a single look, even if he were offered all the gold and silver in the world.

  After Baldy Li was smacked, Poet Zhao and Writer Liu continued to parade him through the streets with a black eye and a bloody nose. They circled Liu Town's streets over and over again, walking right past the police station three times. By the end, even the police were standing outside their front door watching the show, but Poet Zhao and Writer Liu still refused to turn Baldy Li over to them. Zhao, Liu, and the remaining two women paraded Baldy Li around town until eventually the fresh pork-rump butt didn't want to follow anymore and the dried-jerky one also lost interest. After the two of them went home, Poet Zhao and Writer Liu took Baldy Li through the town one last time, until their own legs and backs were sore and their throats dry. Only then did they deliver him to the police.

  At the station, all five policemen rushed up and started questioning Baldy Li at once. After ascertaining the five women's names, they started asking about each of them in detail, skipping over the little butt. They didn't appear to be following police procedure at all but, rather, seemed more intent on getting the lowdown on the various butts. When Baldy Li started explaining how he had peeped at the just-right, not-fat-not-skinny, so-round-it-curled-up butt, the policemen looked as though they were listening to a spine-tingler. This round-bottomed maiden, named Lin Hong, was a well-known beauty of Liu Town, and the policemen had often checked out her pretty little ass as she walked down the street. There were plenty of men who had examined her rear end with clothes on—but only Baldy Li had seen it in the flesh. The policemen realized that Baldy Li's arrest presented them with a golden opportunity and therefore asked him about her bottom over and over again. Whenever he started describing the taut skin and slight rise of her tailbone, the policemen's eyes all lit up like lightbulbs, but when he noted that he didn't see much more, their eyes immediately dimmed as if the electricity had suddenly been cut. Their faces full of disappointment and frustration, the men pounded the table and shouted, "A full confession brings leniency, and holding back will only result in severe punishment! Now think carefully: What else did you see?"

  With his heart in his throat, Baldy Li recounted how he had lowered himself a bit farther, trying to glimpse Lin Hong's pubic area. His voice dropped to a whisper, and his listeners all held their breath. It was as if Baldy Li were back to his ghost story, but just as the ghost was about to appear, the story abruptly ended. Baldy Li explained that just as he had been on the verge of seeing Lin Hong's pubic area, Poet Zhao had grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up, and as a result he hadn't seen anything at all. Baldy Li said regretfully, "I missed it by just a hair…"

  When Baldy Li stopped, the five policemen at first couldn't catch their breath and continued staring at him. Only when they realized that his lips had stopped moving did they finally understand that this was yet another story without an ending. They all had peculiar expressions, looking like five starving dogs who had just seen a freshly roasted duck fly out of their reach. One of them blamed Poet Zhao, saying, "This Zhao fellow—shouldn't he have been sitting at home writing poetry? What was he doing in the latrine?"

  Once the policemen realized that they couldn't get anything more out of Baldy Li, they agreed to let him go home with his mother. Baldy Li told them his mother's name was Li Lan and that she worked at the silk factory. A policeman walked out the main door of the station and started yelling out to people on the street, asking if any of them knew Li Lan: "You know, the one who works at the silk factory." After hollering for five minutes or so, the officer finally found someone who was on his way to the factory. The passerby asked the policeman why he was looking for Li Lan, to which the policeman replied, "Just tell her to come to the station to pick up her hooligan son."

  Baldy Li stayed at the police station all afternoon, like a lost item waiting to be reclaimed. He sat on the long bench, watching the sunlight streaming in through the open front entrance. At first the ray of light on the cement floor was as wide as the door frame but then it became narrower and narrower, and eventually it disappeared altogether. Baldy Li didn't realize that he had already become famous and that everyone who walked by the station would come in to take a look at him—men and women, all tittering as they strained to see the guy who peeped at women's butts in the public toilet. When no one happened to be gawking at him, one policeman after another would walk over, still hoping against hope, and slam his fist down on the table, asking sternly, "Think carefully, is there anything you forgot to report?"

  It was night by the time Baldy Li's mother finally showed up at the station. She hadn't come earlier because she was afraid of people in the street pointing and talking about her. Fourteen years earlier Baldy Li's father had brought her excruciating shame, and now her son had exacerbated her humiliation. Therefore, she waited until after dark, then put on a head scarf and a surgical mask and crept to the station. When she entered the front door, she took one look at her son and immediately averted her eyes. Cowering in front of the lone remaining policeman, she explained in a trembling voice who she was. The policeman, who was supposed to have already gone off duty, blew a gasket, shouting, "Do you realize what fucking time it is? It's already eight o'clock and I haven't even eaten yet, and furthermore I was supposed to see a movie tonight. I had to push and shove at the ticket booth just to get a ticket, and now what the hell am I going to be able to see? Even if I took a plane to the theater, I'd only get to see The End’ flash on the screen." Throughout this tirade, Baldy Li's mother stood there cowering in front of the policeman, nodding at every curse, until finally he said, "Stop nodding your goddamn head and get the fuck out of my sight. I'm going to lock up."

  Outside the police station, Baldy Li's mother walked silently, head bowed, along the dark side of the main street. He followed behind her, strutting and swinging his arms blithely, as if she had been the one caught in the latrine and not he. When they got home, Baldy Li's mother walked into her room without saying a word, shut the door, and didn't make another sound. Late that night, in his half-asleep state, Baldy Li thought he sensed her walk up to his bed and, as on other nights, replace the blanket he had kicked off. Li Lan didn't speak to her son for several days, until finally one rainy night she tearfully uttered a single phrase: "Chip off the old block." She sat in the shadow of the dim light and recounted to Baldy Li in an even dimmer voice how his father had drowned while peeping at women's butts in the public latrine. At the time, she had felt so ashamed that she had considered hanging herself, but sh
e had resolved to live on only thanks to her newborn s tears. She said that if she had known then that he would turn out the same as his father, she would have gone ahead and killed herself.

  CHAPTER 2

  BALDY LI'S peeping ruined his good name but at the same time guaranteed that everyone in Liu Town would know that name for years to come. Out on the street, women shied away from him—even little girls and old ladies avoided him. Baldy Li was indignant, thinking that though he had spent less than two minutes trying to catch a glimpse of some naked bottoms, he was being treated as if he were a serial rapist. But, at the very least, he had gotten to see Lin Hongs bare bottom. Lin Hong was the preeminent beauty of Liu Town, and all the towns men—including old men, young men, and even little boys—stared at her with googly eyes and drooling mouths. Some even got so worked up that blood started running from their noses. It was impossible to calculate how many of these men were lying in bed at night masturbating as they fantasized about two or three key parts of Lin Hongs figure. These poor saps were overjoyed if they had the good fortune to run into her once a week, but even then they'd only see her face, neck, and hands. In summer, they might have a bit more luck and glimpse her sandaled feet and her calves peeking out from under her skirt but not an inch more. Only Baldy Li had seen her bare bottom, and this aroused the envy and admiration of all the men of Liu Town, leading them to conclude that Baldy Li must have done something spectacularly virtuous in a past life to have earned his present-day erotic karma.

  Baldy Li became a celebrity. Though women hid from him, the men would invariably greet him with warm and knowing smiles, throwing an arm over his shoulder when they ran into him in the street. When they were sure that no one was within earshot, they would quietly ask, "So, kid, what did you see?"

  Baldy Li would answer in a ringing voice, "I saw naked butts!"

  The man in question would then flinch and grip Baldy Li's shoulder, saying, "Damn, lower your voice." Then, after looking around once more, he would whisper, "Hey, so what's Lin Hong's like?"

  Even at this tender age, Baldy Li fully appreciated his own worth. He understood that though his reputation reeked, it reeked like an expensive dish of stinky tofu—which is to say, it might stink to high heaven, but damn, it sure tasted good. He knew that out of the five butts he saw in the public toilet, four of them were completely worthless while the fifth—Lin Hongs—was a priceless, five-star view. The reason Baldy Li would later become Liu Town s premier tycoon was that he was a born entrepreneur. At age fourteen he started using Lin Hongs butt to do business, knowing instinctively how to drive a hard bargain and adjust for inflation. The moment he saw those lecherous men grinning at him, grabbing his shoulder and slapping him on the back, he knew they were after one thing and one thing only, and that was the secret of Lin Hongs butt. When the five policemen at the station had tried to extract that same secret from him during his questioning, Baldy Li had told them everything, not daring to hold anything back. But after that initial interrogation, he wised up and resolved to stop providing free lunches. From then on, whenever he encountered one of these insincerely buddy-buddy fellows, Baldy Li remained tight-lipped and wouldn't sketch even the shadow of a single pubic hair. Instead, he would only utter the single word Buttocks, and those men who had come forward to unlock the mysteries of Lin Hongs butt would go away empty-handed.

  Writer Liu, who was originally a lathe worker at the metal factory, earned the favor of the factory head thanks to his ability to whip up a fancy phrase and talk up a storm, and as a result was promoted to sales manager. He already had an average-looking girlfriend, but as soon as he received his promotion and had his story published, he decided that his girlfriend was no longer good enough for him. He therefore started having designs on Lin Hong, since she represented the ultimate fantasy of all Liu Towns men, unmarried and married alike. Writer Liu tried to dump his girlfriend, but she absolutely refused to be let go of. She went and stood outside the police station and started wailing that she had been bedded by Writer Liu, tearfully holding out all ten fingers. Everyone assumed that she meant that Writer Liu had slept with her ten times; they therefore were flabbergasted when they realized she was counting by tens, meaning that the two of them had slept together more than a hundred times. After this performance, Liu didn't dare dump her. In those days, if a man and a woman slept together, they had to get married, so the factory director summoned Writer Liu and chewed him out, telling him that he had two choices: He could marry his girlfriend and keep his job or dump her and settle for cleaning toilets. Weighing these two options, Writer Liu concluded that his career trumped romance and so crawled back to his girlfriend, apologizing abjectly. Soon the two of them were as good as ever, taking strolls together, going to movies, ordering furniture, and even making preparations for their wedding.

  Whenever Poet Zhao happened upon someone, he expressed deep sympathy over Writer Liu's travails, feeling that Liu had handed over his life to a shameless hussy. Lust had gotten the better of him and had ruined his life. He would conclude, "This is an example of the proverbial single misstep leading to regret of a thousand ages."

  The townspeople did not agree with Poet Zhao's choice of literary allusion here and retorted, "How was this a single misstep? He bedded her a hundred times, so at the very least that would make it a hundred missteps."

  Poet Zhao was left momentarily speechless, so he tried a different literary nugget, intoning, "Even the mightiest hero still falls at the hands of a beauty."

  The crowds still begged to differ, asking, "How is he a hero? And she certainly is no beauty."

  Poet Zhao had to nod in agreement, thinking that it is indeed true that The People see all. If Writer Liu couldn't even survive a non-beauty, what could he survive? So Poet Zhao no longer expressed his sympathy and regret at his compatriot's downfall. With a dismissive wave, he sniffed, "Well, he could never amount to much."

  Even though Writer Liu was in the thick of his wedding preparations, he was still dreaming of greener pastures. Every night before going to bed he would get all worked up fantasizing about each and every detail of Lin Hong's body, hoping at least to be united with her in his dreams. Though it was Writer Liu who, along with Poet Zhao, had paraded Baldy Li through the streets of Liu Town, he was rather awed by the fact that Baldy Li had glimpsed Lin Hong's naked behind. In order to increase the authenticity and realism of his fantasized couplings with Lin Hong, Writer Liu urgently wanted to know the remaining mysteries of her body. So now every time he saw Baldy Li, he greeted him like an old friend. However, he was sorely disappointed by Baldy Li's refusal to utter more than the single word Buttocks. One day Writer Liu good-naturedly slapped the back of Baldy Li's head and asked, "Can't you spit anything else out of that mouth of yours?"

  Baldy Li asked, "Like what?"

  Writer Liu replied, "The word buttocks is a bit too abstract. Can you give me something more concrete … ?"

  Baldy Li asked in a ringing voice, "How do you make buttocks concrete?"

  "Hey, hey, stop hollering!" Writer Liu looked about him, then continued, gesturing wildly: "For instance, how big or little the butt was, how plump or bony…"

  Baldy Li reflected on the five bottoms he had seen in the latrine and then announced delightedly, "You're right! Butts do vary in size and shape."

  But then he became tight-lipped again. Writer Liu thought that he needed further guidance, so he patiently prompted: "Buttocks are like faces. Everyone's face is different; some have moles and some don't. So how was Lin Hong's?"

  Baldy Li thought carefully, then replied, "Lin Hong doesn't have a mole on her face."

  "I know that she doesn't have a mole on her face," Writer Liu said. "But I'm not asking about her face. What was her butt like?"

  Even at this tender age Baldy Li had already mastered his poker face. He quietly asked Writer Liu, "So what will you give me in return?"

  Writer Liu had no choice but to try to bribe him. Reasoning that Baldy Li was still a kid, he had brought
along a few pieces of hard candy. Baldy Li gnawed on the candy and gestured for Writer Liu to lower his head. Then, with considerable gusto, he launched into a detailed description of the worthless little butt. Writer Liu asked dubiously, "That's Lin Hongs butt?"

  "Nope," Baldy Li replied. "That was the puniest one."

  "You little bastard," Writer Liu cursed. "I'm asking about Lin Hong's butt."

  Baldy Li shook his head. "I can't bear to talk about it."

  "Damn." Writer Liu continued to curse. "She's not your mom, and neither is she your older sister."

  Baldy Li decided that he had a point. "You're right, she's not my mom, nor my sister…" But then he shook his head again and added, "But she is my dream lover, so I can't bear to talk about it."

  "What kind of dream could you have, you little bastard?" Writer Liu asked impatiently. "So what would it take for you to be able to bear talking about it?"

  Baldy Li frowned and pondered for a long time. "Why don't you treat me to a bowl of noodles? Then perhaps I could bear it."

  Writer Liu hesitated, then gritted his teeth and agreed. "Okay."

  Swallowing hard, Baldy Li went in for the kill. "I don't want a nine-cent bowl of unseasoned noodles. What I want is a thirty-five-cent bowl of house-special noodles—the kind with fish, meat, and shrimp flavors mixed together."

  "Three-flavored house-special noodles?" Writer Liu bellowed. "You little bastard. Even I can't afford to have house-special noodles more than a few times a year. If I can't bear to buy them for myself, why would I be willing to buy you a bowl? Keep on dreaming, kid."